Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #11
Kitty
justjess
TITLE: Incandescent
GENRE: Romantic suspense

After crash landing a drug dealer’s plane, Jack stumbles into the world of Seely Davis, reclusive horse-whisperer. Jack seems to always be one step behind the dirty DEA agent that burned him and they’ll have to dodge bullets, avalanches and bombs as they fall in love - if only Seely’s past doesn’t cripple her future.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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As written, their goal is to fall in love which seems contrary to most romance novels where the goal is NOT to fall in love (or to fall in love with someone else) but they always fall in love anyway. I think this would be stronger if you show both of their goals and how these will both oppose each other and intersect at the same time. For example, he just wants to beat this nemesis drug dealer and she just wants to be left alone with her horses but he needs her to beat him and she needs him to???

Holly


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