Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #13
Kitty
justjess
Title: Drifting in Darkness
Genre: New Adult, Paranormal Romance, Suspense

Recent college graduate Darcia Daniels only wants three things: a job to pay the bills, the ability to control her psychic “disability” and her hot, new neighbor; and she’s willing to keep secrets to get them. But when she discovers her neighbor is keeping secrets of his own, she must embrace her psychic gift to decipher friend from foe.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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Is the fact she's a recent college graduate important to the story? If not, cut it. Also, I'd add a bit more to the "hot, new neighbor" bit in order to match the flow of the first two wants. Also, I'm unclear on her goal. Is it to save the neighbor? Save herself because of a threat?

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