Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #14
Kitty
justjess
TITLE: Unitus
GENRE: YA

LOGLINE: Teenage girl seeks to escape her dystopian society through alien abduction, but the alien she summons turn out to be a fierce warrior who wants to kill her.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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Your first version had too much information, but now I feel like you've stripped it too bare. I don't feel a connection to the characters anymore. I'd suggest you at least use your protagonist's name. Other than that though, it looks like you did a great job whittling it down to the basic conflict of your book!

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