Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #14
TITLE: Unitus

LOGLINE: Teenage girl seeks to escape her dystopian society through alien abduction, but the alien she summons turn out to be a fierce warrior who wants to kill her.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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Some of this has been said but...
1) You need to be more specific about the protagonist. Is she a specific age? Does she have a name? Any specific qualities that are going to make this story more interesting or challenging? There are already a ton of books about teenage girls facing dystopian societies so you need to stand out here.
2) You need something at the beginning to incite the story. WHY does she decide to escape NOW?
3) You need a little more information about how she will try to both meet her goal to escape and defeat the alien.


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