Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #17
Kitty
justjess
TITLE: Ravishing Midnight
GENRE: Adult Urban Fantasy

When Demon Control officer Rieve discovers that her transplanted heart is a demon’s, she uncovers the witches’ plot to use hybrids like her to eradicate the demons and sever their dependence on demon energy for stronger magic. Only the unique power Rieve gained from her heart donor can stop the witches, who don’t realize that destroying the demons will destroy their own magic, turning their plot into an all out apocalypse.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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I agree with the others: simplifying will make this really strong. My recommendation would be to cut this part of the first sentence: "and sever their dependence on demon energy for stronger magic."

Also, I think all-out should be hyphenated, but I'm not sure. Maybe a different word there would be better.

Great revision. You're so close!

Ann

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