Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #17
Kitty
justjess
TITLE: Ravishing Midnight
GENRE: Adult Urban Fantasy

When Demon Control officer Rieve discovers that her transplanted heart is a demon’s, she uncovers the witches’ plot to use hybrids like her to eradicate the demons and sever their dependence on demon energy for stronger magic. Only the unique power Rieve gained from her heart donor can stop the witches, who don’t realize that destroying the demons will destroy their own magic, turning their plot into an all out apocalypse.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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I do really like this story, and I like it's change. I too think that it is a little wordy, I had to read it a couple times to make sense of it.
Think Heather has given you a great example, and sure you will be able to use it to good advantage.

Really am intrigued by this idea though.

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