Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #17
Kitty
justjess
TITLE: Ravishing Midnight
GENRE: Adult Urban Fantasy

When Demon Control officer Rieve discovers that her transplanted heart is a demon’s, she uncovers the witches’ plot to use hybrids like her to eradicate the demons and sever their dependence on demon energy for stronger magic. Only the unique power Rieve gained from her heart donor can stop the witches, who don’t realize that destroying the demons will destroy their own magic, turning their plot into an all out apocalypse.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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Your inciting incident is leading to a discovery which kind of leads to an assumed goal with no motivation. You need to focus on telling us why SHE needs to go on this journey and what SHE will lose if she doesn't succeed.

Holly

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