Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #18
Kitty
justjess
Title: Unwritten
Genre: Contemporary Fiction with Strong Romantic Elements

When pop superstar Katherine Hayes’ estranged mother launches a vicious smear campaign against her, the positive image she’s worked so hard for is tarnished. Now Kate must overcome the psychological effects of a childhood trauma to regain the respect of her fans and discovers success means nothing without the college professor who’s stolen her heart.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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I love the first sentence of this, and the whole daughter versus mom conflict. For me, though, it kind of falls apart in the second half. The childhood trauma thing feels like it comes out of nowhere; is it directly related to the mom? I'm assuming yes, but I'd like some specifics. Same with the professor-- it feels disconnected from what I think the main conflict is, and sort of tacked on in a way that makes it seem like an irrelevant afterthought. I almost think it would be stronger without it, as written. You may need to ask yourself how important her love for him is to the CENTRAL plot. Loglines aren't really the place for subplots.

Good luck!

-Stefanie

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