Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #18
Kitty
justjess
Title: Unwritten
Genre: Contemporary Fiction with Strong Romantic Elements

When pop superstar Katherine Hayes’ estranged mother launches a vicious smear campaign against her, the positive image she’s worked so hard for is tarnished. Now Kate must overcome the psychological effects of a childhood trauma to regain the respect of her fans and discovers success means nothing without the college professor who’s stolen her heart.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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Thanks so much for the feedback! Based on the comments so far, I've come up with this revised logline that hopefully ties together the 2 sentences. Does this sound better:

When pop superstar Katherine Hayes’ estranged mother launches a vicious smear campaign against her, Kate’s positive image is tarnished and a budding romance with college professor Josh Randall is thrown into jeopardy. With details of a traumatic childhood assault now front page news, Kate must battle a debilitating stress disorder to regain the respect of her fans and fight for her chance at love.

I think this revision makes it more complicated. It starts off well, but I think the smear campaign is enough--I don't think you need the assault or the stress disorder. Maybe:
"When pop superstar Katherine Hayes’ estranged mother launches a vicious smear campaign against her, Kate’s positive image is tarnished and a budding romance with college professor Josh Randall is thrown into jeopardy. With traumatic details about her past splashed across the front page, Kate must battle to regain the respect of her fans and fight for her chance at love."

Good luck!

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