Kitty

Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #19 (Lost Email)
Kitty
justjess
A last minute entry from a lost email sent within the timeframe... the Internet must have eaten it. Bad, hungry Internet.

Title: Swimming With Tchaikovsky
Genre: YA Suspense/Magical Realism

In St. Petersburg for a cello competition, Sally watches her host father get kidnapped and starts seeing visions with clues when she plays Russian music. As she tracks the clues to the upper echelons of the police department, various thugs-for-hire appear on her tail, but her host family has given her more hugs than she ever got at home, and there’s no way she’ll let them find their father in a dumpster.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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I like that you've given us a reason to care but we need to see this come before he is hurt, otherwise, we have to almost think in reverse to get it. Having said that, I would suggest you use something different than hugs as that sounds very young MG to me. Perhaps say something like, "When Sally arrives in Russian for the competition of her life, she finally finds herself with a family..." (Maybe not this exactly but the point is to show that she WANTS a family more than anything and this is what is at stake when the father is kidnapped).

Holly

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