Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #13
Title: Drifting in Darkness
Genre: New Adult, Paranormal Romance, Suspense

Recent college graduate Darcia Daniels only wants three things: a job to pay the bills, the ability to control her psychic “disability” and her hot, new neighbor; and she’s willing to keep secrets to get them. But when she discovers her neighbor is keeping secrets of his own, she must embrace her psychic gift to decipher friend from foe.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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This is good, but I feel like we've only gotten as far as the inciting incident. What is her goal? Embracing is a little vague. What are the consequences if she fails? The deciphering friend from foe seems more like part of the problem.

Little stuff: strike "only" I can't believe she doesn't want a few more things...maybe chocolate

Clean up to something like: "and she will keep her secrets to..."

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