Just Jess: Writing & Editing

words. books. life.

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #14
TITLE: Unitus

LOGLINE: Teenage girl seeks to escape her dystopian society through alien abduction, but the alien she summons turn out to be a fierce warrior who wants to kill her.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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I like what you have, but to slam it home for me, I'd want one more beat that would give me a sense of movement forward -- if the alien wants to kill her and has her held captive, it should be easy for said alien to do so. By giving me a bit more of a sense of what happens next, I get a sense of what else will happen.

Overall, you have done well, because my only complaint is that I want more -- and that's what you want the reader to be asking for.

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