Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #17
TITLE: Ravishing Midnight
GENRE: Adult Urban Fantasy

When Demon Control officer Rieve discovers that her transplanted heart is a demon’s, she uncovers the witches’ plot to use hybrids like her to eradicate the demons and sever their dependence on demon energy for stronger magic. Only the unique power Rieve gained from her heart donor can stop the witches, who don’t realize that destroying the demons will destroy their own magic, turning their plot into an all out apocalypse.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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I so want to read this.

I got bogged down in the explanation of the witches' plot. Can you simplify that? Maybe...

...she discovers the witches plan to use demon/human hybrids like her to eradicate the demons, and with them their magical energy. However, that will destroy the witches' own magic and Rieve must use the power from her demon heart to stop them or see an all out apocalypse.

Meh - I'm sure you can do better.

Hmm - my captcha appears to be in Hebrew - appropriate for the day.

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