Just Jess: Writing & Editing

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Revised Logline Critique Round - #17
TITLE: Ravishing Midnight
GENRE: Adult Urban Fantasy

When Demon Control officer Rieve discovers that her transplanted heart is a demon’s, she uncovers the witches’ plot to use hybrids like her to eradicate the demons and sever their dependence on demon energy for stronger magic. Only the unique power Rieve gained from her heart donor can stop the witches, who don’t realize that destroying the demons will destroy their own magic, turning their plot into an all out apocalypse.

Read the original logline on MSFV.

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There's a bit too much information in this and not enough of it is relevant. Is Rieve a hybrid because of the heart or was she one to begin with? I'd cut down on the witch's plot explanation and just focus on Rieve and her actions.

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